Felt like...

Sigh... A little sad here... Because this feeling felt like after breaking up when we weren't together in the first place... Can't we be together for a while..? But it will hurt more eventually , I guess.. Surely then I'll miss those days.. I hope that we could go on like how we were.. Because I'm now afraid things will changed to even worse.. I hate that kind of feeling.. When in the future I'll look back and say " Things were much better before.. "

.... I don't want to say that... But I guess... We'll have to see what the future lies in front of us... It's not like our own decided destiny will worked anyways... Sigh.. How I wish it could though...

Don't want to forget...

It's the first time I feel like this closeness with a girl.. Something like best friends... These whole time I enjoyed having conversations with her... Surely there are insecurities but I guess the next day everything turns out fine...

But only recently.. I feel like she is really forgetting that we ever had this kind of relationship... I wonder if it hurts for her... Because it is hurting me real badly here... I don't want to forget the times we spent messaging and talk over the phone.. I don't want to forget the time we spent together.. The moment she smiled at me.. The times she laughs when she hears me talk.. The times when says good night and morning to me.. The times when she said sorry when the night before she had to leave our conversation early.. The times when she is willing to accompany me when I'm alone.. The times when she worries about me...

I just want to improve our relationship... To know her more.. Not to make it worse... No...

Next level?

Sigh.. Nowadays I can't wait for another Sunday to be over... I enjoy the time when I see that I'm no longer going there.. Haha...

Ha... Ha... So for this bigger issue? I don't know.. I just know that He won't allow kua.. I don't know. Sigh..

Tell yourself and change?

Finally... I've decided to no longer to go there... Yeah... It has been killing me for about a year now... It kinda hurts during that moment.... My feelings towards them are no longer to be found.. My future with them can longer be built... My memories... Sorry to say but I would like to destroy it.

I would just want to end it...

I thought these ten over years meant something... But it did not mean anything... I was really wrong. Growing up there , to me was just a great act. It doesn't meant a thing at all...

Everytime I think about this.. I feel like punching something or kicking anything... Why was I so ignorant...? Sigh.. So tomorrow will be the last...? I really wish so... I really do!!! I don't want to step a single foot in there.. Good bye means good bye!

I compared myself and my family... I don't think any of them bonded or wanted to bond with these people... Only me.. The biggest idiot... Really thought that I could be part of this... Sigh...

My abilities

I don't understand. Why people are worried about me getting gf or having a relationship with a girl ar... I don't have that ability... I have try my hardest but definitely no girl will fall for me. I just hope they don't have to worry. People tend to get bored with me...

Memories That Are Built To Be Destroyed

I hear many people saying " My life is changing " and I say... " Mine too! ". Sigh... I don't know why... I look at this phone.. My old phone , filled with.. " I should never had done that.. " memories.. Then I see my present.. Am I walking the same path? Doesn't look any like it and I really wish I do not too.. I don't want to let history repeat... It kills... Enough? Is it enough? I want to stop... And take the other path... Then I'll say good bye... I just hope I can though... I'm afraid to return and be back the same or better... I don't want to walk on this path anymore.. No more...

Memories that are built to be destroyed...

Saigo No Christmas

Yeah.. Kinda the best christmas I had yesterday... Well.. I'm just glad...